I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
