I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
