my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
