I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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