I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
