He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
