I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
