Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
