also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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