a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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