He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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