11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
