when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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