The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
