i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
