so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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