I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
