i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
