I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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