Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
