He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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