i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
