The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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