you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
