You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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