he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
