A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
