I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
