What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
