Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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