Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
me + whiskey = a bad person
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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