Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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