is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
