Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
