dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
