I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
