Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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