I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
