Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
