What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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