bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
mondays should just be called national damage control day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
