So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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