i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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