i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
