He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
