C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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