My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
