I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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