It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
