Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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