mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
