He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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